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An Entrepreneur and New Mom: Should I Feel Guilty? - PART 2

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If you missed PART 1, you can read it here.  

 

 

The News of Twins

The news of twins came with such mixed emotions. My initial reaction was laughter and tears of joy. I had no idea twins were even a possibility for me. I wasn’t aware at the time, twins run in my family (both sides). The fact that I was pregnant with twins seemed to be such a miracle. I happened to be solo at the initial ultrasound, which made for A LOT of thinking before I was able to tell anyone (including my husband). I knew I didn’t want to share this type of news over the phone, so I used every ounce of strength I had to hold in this HUGE development, and text my husband back with “yep everything looks good!”. As I drove home, I was pleasantly surprised with the fact that 1.) I wasn’t completely freaking out (remember I was currently running a 9-month old company), and 2.) I was genuinely excited by this news. Sure, being a mom to a toddler, I knew just how hard it was with one baby, and the difficulty was sure to grow exponentially as you add another baby to that equation. To my relief, I was able just to enjoy the news of this miracle. I should probably tell you this reaction is completely outside of my personality. I’m the person who is ALWAYS planning ahead and thinks of every worst-case scenario to prepare myself. It was very refreshing just to enjoy the news and not think about what this meant for the future.

I made it the additional hour or so until my husband arrived home. I know he could tell by the look on my face that something was up. It would be fun to do a blog post from his perspective on the twin news. Soon to come! I laid the ultrasound photo out on the counter and told him to come over and look at it. I filmed a video of this whole interaction, below are a few screenshots. The look on his face is awesome. I’m pretty sure his gut reaction was along the same line as mine. Shear joy of this amazing miracle.

 

 

Fast forward a week or two and I began to think about the implications of twins and running a business. Prior to trying to conceive for this pregnancy, my husband and I budgeted everything for a new baby. We knew exactly the type of childcare we’d need and the approximate cost to cover the additional child. We knew that I could easily work from home while I cared for the newborn while our daughter was still enrolled in her preschool program a few days a week, and with her grandparents the remaining days. I had been working full time again for a little over a year and a half, so we had our routine down.

 

How Do You Plan for the Unexpected?

Now of course we could “easily” plan for baby #2, but when baby #2 and #3 come at the same time, that’s a little different! After the honeymoon phase of our news had worn off, I began to question how in the world I could handle two babies while still working. We weren’t able or willing to put the twins in day care as infants, but also knew I wasn’t able to take 4- 6 months off and put the business on hold during that time. It was a bittersweet feeling for me. On one hand, the business was at a point where it was growing and continuing to grow into something amazing - which is a great “problem” to have! On the other hand, I would have two more children at the end of this pregnancy. Two beautiful babies that I want to nurture and spend time with. The hardest part of this whole situation for me, was figuring out how to split my time without feeling like I was letting my family or my business down. Does that sound familiar? Yep. I was right back at square one. The same feelings I felt while my first daughter was an infant came crashing back.

 

Seeing I had been through this once before, I knew feeling guilty would get me nowhere. The best solution for my family and myself was to plan everything out. Luckily, I like to plan. Unluckily, planning for three children and a full-time job isn't easy to do. Unless I could magically add 5 hours to the day AND train my twins to get on a perfect eat/sleep/sit peacefully schedule from the get-go, I was screwed. This didn’t even account for the housework, cooking, and caring for a 3-year-old. So on top of the additional five hours in the day, and magical infant schedule, I needed a smart house that did all of the cooking and cleaning. Sounds possible right??

 

As I'm writing this, i’m currently 30 weeks pregnant with twins, running a business full-time and praying that I can somehow figure out how to make this all work. Of course, I do have a plan. Though, I've learned over the past 2.5 years of being a parent that plans don't always go as planned. It's impossible to plan for every scenario, and even when you think you have it all figured out, something changes to throw you off course. So, part of my plan is to try to go with the flow. There may be days I can't start working until 10pm. There may be days everyone is in sync, and I'm able to take an hour to focus solely on the business. Please let there be those days! I’m sure it will still be a crazy ride but my hope and belief is that doing my best will be enough. Even if my best isn't "perfect", that's okay. I think I finally believe that statement, and it feels amazing.  

 

 

 

 



Lauren Kutting
Lauren Kutting

Mom of three (including b/g twins!) and creator of ToteSavvy. Lauren enjoys browsing through Instagram for fashion inspiration, cooking for her family of five, solving problems through efficiency and organization, and blogging about motherhood.


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